And, Why Cat?

23 04 2013

Observe Fraud-the-Cat.2848677509_24c8a9675b_t

Her name says it all.

Pious, as she sits on a kitchen table from which I am banned, she licks the top of a bowl of fresh polenta and cream. Abandoned briefly by it’s human consumer, Fraud feigns concern for the man. In the all-important drawl of a long meeoow she explains, “Official food-taster.”

I purse my flews, raising a corner to bare one tooth.31224026_ce1efc9b84_t

For one, Dog would never simply lick an edible. Polenta, especially, is to be gobbled before it’s owner resumes position at the table, without a thought to it’s quality. Something by which there is seldom a mistake, and if there is, it only affords the opportunity to eat twice…

Two, licking an object is an insipid behavior unless cleaning oneself, the young, or initiating reciprocation in some fashion: a pat on the head; a scratch behind the ears, a treat.


Licking is for sissies. Or a feline who merely wishes to make a point: All things of table domain are mine, even if I dont want them.

So, I ask you: Why cat?5841987753_b176b12b1b_t

Unteachable, undisciplined, aloof. She has the run of the house because she ignores civilization. If she were a dog, she’d be banished. Yet, well-trained, restrained and sociable, it is Dog who is relegated to the floor. Manners: the self-inflicted restriction keeping Dog’s paws on the ground.

Man saunters in, seats himself, and digs into the polenta. Fraud sits like a centerpiece in the middle of the table, licks her paws and swipes her face, tongue sweeping in grains of polenta hanging like ticks on a whisker.

At times like these I yearn for a hidden camera.images


Round One

31 03 2012

It’s spring here in Tuscany and Fraud-the-cat is testing out her stalk and sleuth instincts on yours truly.  Taking into account that, because of her winter laziness, she has a few pounds on me, I should not be embarrassed by an occasional slam to the ground. I SHOULD simply walk away from such activity, especially since I KNOW it gives Fraud any pleasure at all, and yet….

My larger brain (yes, all Terriers have larger-than-normal brains.
A fact widely overlooked by the scientific community, but inherently known by all dogs…) leads me to take the bait and return the pounce.

I know that, until I have adequately bulked up from seasonal feasts such as baby hare, fresh percorino and spring lamb (preferably in a hardy ragu with penne pasta), I have no advantage against the bulbous, grey dirigible called Fraud.



Outside the Box

11 06 2009

My take on thinking outside the box: The Litterboxmy new litterbox by Torley, that is.

Cats on leashes.Cat On A Leash? by Chelsea Elliott

Like the phrase “herding cats”, the picture that comes to mind is one of chaos.  A whole lot of pulling, dragging and sliding.  The Cat Dragged In by MacGBeing

Cats cannot be cajoled.  They walk at their own pace—if they walk at all.

"The Sleeping Cat" by Jane Diamond by Jane Diamond

Here’s a little thinking outside the litterbox, canine style: smart dogs use the litterbox as a snack bar.  It may be recycling taken to it’s extreme, perhaps absurd, conclusion, but it fulfills the fine criteria of a dog. litterbox cake by Wild Cakes

Disgusting, putrid and sure to illicit a speedy reaction from your human.

And, alas, a bath.Cassie the family dog gets a bath by Gary Hope


Associate Producer

30 05 2009

I think I’ve found my niche, that is if I can find someone with an opposable thumb.

My idea: A new Game Show for dogs.  Cable TV; mid-afternoon time slot, just after the usual small meal and short walk-around; something to provide a little humor as a dog drifts into a little nap.

We’ll call it Whack-A-Kitty.  Here’s the pilot:

Now if I can just get PetCo to come in as sponsor.  Maybe they’d like to do lunch?


Dog A-Tax

20 04 2009

For those of you who filed for an extension in the USA last week, Buried in Tax Forms by thedailyhamsterhere’s something else to try to figure out:


In Italy, Dogs are considered dependents, of course. 

You may defer any tax——-unless you add a cat.wet-cat-3.jpg by insearchofwater

Households with cats always pay extra, one way or another.Watch Out for Angry Wet Cat by The Rocketeer


Happy Halloween

31 10 2008

I never really understood Halloween.  It’s been a recently adopted holiday in Rome.  I owe it to the influx of American ex-patriots who now call Italy home.  Frankly, I find most of it frightening…except the abundance of treats.  That’s a definite perk.  I did pass a poster in a shop window this week, however, that suggested the best use of the demonic celebration:

Squirrel Potion # 9 by Terry_Lea

Best use of a cat….I say.


The Church Turns

12 09 2008

Cats…again.  Now it’s Pope BenedictPope Benedict XVI.  In what I can only hope is a move unsanctioned by the church, the Pope has taken a cat.

A cat.

Granted, it was on a trial basis.  It seems that while visiting Australia, the locals determined his live of the feline and loaned him said creature.005

Thank God…literally…he doesn’t actually keep a cat at the Vatican.  they breed like rabbits, you know.  Look at any Roman ruin.  Imagine the Pieta with the addition of a life-size tabby straddling Mary’s shoulder.  Hagia Sophia- visitors admire Byzantinian mosaics and the largest Ottoman calligraphiesA cat standing guard at the tomb of St. Peter?

What kind of spiritual leader prefers cats to dog, I ask you?

jewish dogs 2I wonder if they have dogs on the West Bank?



5 09 2008

Did I mention that anytime I post anything about cats~Cute Cats~, I get as many hits on my blog in a few hours as I normally do in a day?

It’s yet another species slur as far as I’m concerned.Bella the Cat

Do dogs not inspire?  Do they not compel people to google and search?  And why not?

Is it because cat people sit idley by the computer with nothing better to do than surf the web for the antics of the cats they love, simply because the cats they love are immobile, Fat Cat Poopedsloth-like on a feather cushion, whiling away the hours of daylight only to become roaming maniacs at night?Spew Warning - Montana the Cat's Halloween Costume

Surely dog owners are in the park, on the other end of a game of fetch, or hiking with their favorite St. Bernard, trusty cask within reach, no?

Swiss Mountain St. BernardsWhat cat can serve up a shot of brandy, I ask you?

Ever hike with a cat?  Ever tempt a feline to fetch?  bored catHa!

You cat people need to get out more.

frisbee dogGo get a dog.


To Skin a Cat

15 07 2008

There is a cat next door.  A surly, serious, dim-witted cat with no sense of humor.   The "mean" CatHe sits on the wall of the terrazzo, just beyond my reach, eyeing the ripening tomatoes behind me. 


I bark in fun, giving a short, jest-full rise to the end of my communiqué.  He hisses, claws poised to do harm.


Cats seldom have a sense of humor.  They certainly lack the ability to find themselves funny in any way and most hold a sense of entitlement rivaled only by a Caesar.  This is perpetuated by the Roman Gattinare: hundreds of elderly women who make their daily business to feed the thousands of feral cats that inhabit Roman ruins.Cat Overlooking the Roman Amphitheatre in Syracuse, March 2005Feral Roman Cats In Ruins


And yet, the feral dogs that roam the Pincio garner only thrown stones and shouts…


While I can see the attraction most humans have for the feline: furry, cute, blah, blah, blah.  They are, for the most part, conniving, manipulative and undependable.


How many cats can cross the floor on the spur of the moment, Catito kneadingwithout taking time to plot the entire trip from cat-stretch to pounce?


How many cats are willing to wait for their breakfast before they use their claws to begin to knead and furrow any bare skin peeking through the covers?I knead you


And how many cats can you depend upon to run to the door to meet you every time you open it?


Evolutionarily speaking, I think dog-kind as a whole should give the attraction some thought.  Fine tuning may be in order: sharper claws, the adoption of a more aloof spirit, the hint of caution to each adventure.


Man must enjoy a certain amount of punishment, no?



Whatta Ya in Fer?

15 05 2008

So, here I am behind bars.  No one here is happy. Gilboa Israel Regional Dog Pound Write the Minister of AgOne square a day and no affection.  The Face - Dog PoundThey slide a dish through a slot in the bars and scrap away anything I might extrude.  Uma the pound dog in Tucson


The The cat next door is in for biting a baby.  Rough, that.  What a dunce the feline is for taking it’s frustration out on a freshly hatched human.  Even I, with little direct knowledge of such a creature, can glean that to bite a small child is the highest offense.

The cat’s mouth is swabbed twice a day.  It spits its way through the deed then chomps onto the stick as though it’s mouse flesh, and growls its way from lunacy to a better mood. 

It’s been here longer than I and I wonder if I’ll end up the same way: mad at the world, mean dogor simply mad, period.


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