I’ll Have What She’s Having

28 06 2012

Who hasn’t seen When Harry Met Sally? Even a small, Italian dog, who may have fallen asleep to a Lassie rerun and awakened to that 1990 Nora Ephron classic, knows how to fake an orgasm. Just ask our cat, Fraud.

I remember every worthwhile quotation of Ms. Ephron’s. That’s what a philosophical canine does: commit the philosphical to memory. You may think we merely lie dormant beneath the oak dreaming away the day, but we are contemplating far more than squirrels.

“I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”  Could have easily been spoken by a newly adopted dog.

“Oh, how I regret not having worn a bikini for the entire year I was twenty-six. If anyone young is reading this, go, right this minute, put on a bikini, and don’t take it off until you’re thirty-four.” As a dog who frequents the Italian beaches, I can attest.

“Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy.” As a dog living in a household of infidels, I can also attest to this.

“The amount of maintenance involving hair is genuinely overwhelming. Sometimes I think that not having to worry about your hair any more is the secret upside of death.” What dog doesn’t worry about this?

“You can never have too much butter – that is my belief. If I have a religion, that’s it.” Proof Nora was a dog in her last life and will be in her next.

“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” I would say hero but then, I just published my autodogography.

If I wore a hat, it would be off to Nora this day. For now, the examination of life and its ironic insults to humanity and the man-woman condition must surely be passed to dog. We do, after all, see things from a different perspective (the grass), closer to the basics of life (garden vegetables, ground rodents and poo) and a simpler existence: We eat therefore we are.

I will do my best to see things with a the flair that says, “this dog is both humorous and wise.”

But there is one profundity espoused by Nora Ephron that I will never be able to top:

“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”

Chow.








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